im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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