I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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