Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
