There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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