its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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