Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
