I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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