to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
