my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dignity is for republicans.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
