You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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