it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
