Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
