trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
