Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
