Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it glows. i had to have it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
