I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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