I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
