does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I want to fling myself into the sun
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
