watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
