You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
