farters have to be the big spoon...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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