Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
