i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
