I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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