This dress was meant to end up on your floor
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
