Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
