i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
