Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
