I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
