It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
