This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
