32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
