I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
