i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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