i can't believe i had my finger in that
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
