She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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