im holly from the hills drunk
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
