i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
