she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
