I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
