I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
