dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
