I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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