If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
