your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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