pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
