Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
