four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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