Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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