totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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