I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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